so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
