never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
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Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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