I wish I only lived at night.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
