But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
