She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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