you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
