I think my vagina is haunted
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
