Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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