I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
