Me. At least after what I've been through.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
