margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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