Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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