I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
