girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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