i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
