have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
