Your dad touched me again.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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