Porn is love you can see.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
