thus making me awesome and them whores
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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