3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
