Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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