hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
