How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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