i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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