I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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