I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
