I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
