you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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