My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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