Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
