My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
