man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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