Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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