So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
