i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
