OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
