Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
