May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
