Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
