Nicole vs. Life
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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