no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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