dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
