Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
