yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
