Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
