If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
