I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
