Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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