Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
