Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
