apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
