question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
