New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
