if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
