You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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