I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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