I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
